


Drums of the City Rain

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Hesitant Alien - Gerard Way (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 21:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4236471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The lights we chase, the nights we steal, the things that we take, to make us feel this. I can't go back, don't think I will. I won't sleep tonight as long as I still hear the drums of the city rain"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drums of the City Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Brother by Gerard Way.  
> <3

It's funny, you know?  One moment you're living the life you've always wanted to lead.  The next, you're lying on the bathroom floor, crying out your brother's name.  Wanting recognition.  Wanting him back.  

The phone call was something I had always been expecting.  Always.  I just didn't expect today.  But I guess you can't predict death.  No one can.  You can't tell me the exact second I will die.  

***

_"Where is he?  Where's Mikey?" I cried.  I was choking on my own spit and tears and maybe even blood.  My vision was blurred from the tears and I couldn't feel.  It felt like I was floating in this endless void although I saw the linoleum floor underneath my sprawled fingers._

_"Calm down, honey, it will be okay."  No, no it wasn't fucking_ okay _.  I wasn't fucking okay._

_"Where is he? Where is my baby brother?"  I was supposed to take care of him.  It was my fault._

_"It will be okay, I promise you.  It will be okay.  I need to tell you something.  Mikey..."_

_"W-will he be okay? Where is Mikey?"  Fuck, tell me.  Tell me.  Make it okay.  If you fucking tell me it will be okay, it must be okay.  Don't lie to me._

_"He killed himself."_

_And my whole world stopped at that moment._

***

I remembered that he hated the rain.  And so to make it better, we made rhythms and beats out of it.  We made up stories.  We played in the rain.  Danced in it.  Loved it.  Praised it.  But now, the rhythms I used to once make out of it just haunt me.  A slow torture.  Their names practically chant his name.  I remember his face when he looked out the window, so hypnotized by the raindrops that would stream down the window.  We made the rain better.

I remembered when we were angsty teenagers who thought the world was against the two of us.  We escaped to a different place--concerts.  The loud music that filled our heads.  The lyrics we used to scream at the sky.  But now, the music seems too dull.  Too quiet.  Not violent enough.

I remembered that one night I was so drugged up and hurting.  And I just called him without warning at 3 in the morning.  And he let me in.  I crashed on the couch and he took care of me.  Why?  Because we were both fucked up.  We both had addictions.  We both had problems.  And we would get through it together.  Or so I thought.

I remembered when we were so fucking happy, day and night, and so amazed by the beauty of the world.  Then again, we only thought the world was beautiful because we were numb--numb from the drugs and the alcohol.  But we justified it because the point of life was to be happy, and we could only see life happily through pills and powder.

I should have checked in on you.  I should have.  I wish I had.  I thought we had both claimed control.  I really did.  But now, whenever I try to sleep, I can only think of all the hints you left me, how messed up we were.  I should have helped you.  I'm so sorry.

Only now do I realize that you can't break the addiction alone.  I didn't.  I broke it through loved ones and I was so ready to start life again now that I could see--now that my life wasn't blurred by drugs.  But I forgot you.  I forgot that you were still stuck in that cycle.  I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry, Mikey.  So sorry.  

***

_"Mikey, please pick up the phone."_

***

My little Mikey Way, keep singing.  Please.  Keep singing for me.  Sing loudly for me.  Tap your fingers to the drums of the city rain.  


End file.
